I blame society for telling me to use drugs. I went along with it to fit in. I don’t care about fitting in anymore, but I don’t think it was my fault for partaking given the social atmosphere. So why do I have to suffer these dreams that torment me about it? Do I have unresolved trauma related to it or some shit?
PS. I am straight edge now, I haven’t used drugs in a long time and don’t think about them while I’m awake at all. I prefer to be sober minded. The only part they play in my life is in occasional dreams apparently, which are usually negative and unpleasant.
I don’t know why exactly, but I imagine it’s similar to recurring nightmares about trauma. I had frequent ones following a horrible work situation. I’m a few years past it, but I still have an occasional one to make sure my sleep is ruined. I think of it as my brain compulsively poking a spot where I hurt over and over to see if it still hurts.