Me sell hats, okey pokey?

Yoink the lucky purple shorts (I’ll trespass so fuck the relationship meter requirement), put it in the middle of town.

Definitely hide so that they can’t complete their quest of meeting all the people.

Head to the caves/mine and smash epic beasts.

If I’m not the farmer?

I would follow a pre-scripted path depending on the day of the week and season, and refuse to accept more than two gifts. I would be a romance option, but the annoying kind that stays inside most of the time so it’s hard to build rapport.

For extra credit, I would post ads inexplicably asking for someone to bring me a topaz to rub on my sore knees.