Yours is a rather high-quality comment, but I had a thought and now must ruin everyone’s day:

…my fucking ass you are.

- Yoda to his TMNT claw-fist

Sold!

Catch my kids standing outside with the molotovs.

I can assure you they were doing no such thing. They were dogsitting for me. And reading white-Jesus books.

When my mom called me at 5AM to tell me that my dad had a heart attack and was unresponsive

In this economy???

Explain to me!

Ah, the nostalgia of the internet’s golden dark ages. Good God, we were monsters… Some of us still are!

continue to respect the country’s legal system

Someone needs to look up the definition of “continue”

The early bird flu catches the worm

What type of onions? I’ve only grown green onions, which you can grow indoors in a plastic cup with water and a paper towel at the bottom as long as it’s near a window with unobstructed sunlight.

Smells less like desperation and more like not missing out on an opportunity to grift.

Halloween is gonna be incredible this year. Fuck Spirit Halloween, but I also hope this is exactly the name of their most popular costume in October.

Rice and beans are tasty! Anything other than salt and maybe some pepper is fucking gourmet.

I’m not trying to say that you’re wrong. I’m just saying that there’s already enough horrible shit to worry about without underestimating the simple pleasure of rice and beans.

Side note: onions and garlic will grow just about anywhere. Throw some of that shit somewhere in your rice and beans and you’ve got a fucking party in your mouth.

Why do people keep responding to this like laws and tradition meananything?

What does anyone think will be different this time??

The leader of an insurrection delayed investigations until getting reelected, threatened and fired people who dared to look at him sideways, and is unapologetically defying a judge’s orders while using his sentient moneybag to openly bribe politicians who say they’re willing to impeach a judge for not agreeing with the president (going against the warnings of the supreme court).

Where are our papers and pens going to get the power to do anything about it when all the power sits with the president? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, anyone who pushes back hard enough is going to experience The Night of the Long Knives.

I genuinely think we are days to weeks away from seeing a politician become a political prisoner. And even then, headlines will ask “are we inching closer to fascism?” And people will say, “this is what the laws are for. We just have to wait for the system to work.”

Lex Luthor has taken over Metropolis and is killing anyone standing up to him, Lois Lane is sobbing over Clark Kent’s mangled corpse while Jimmy Olsen assures her that Superman will show up any moment now and everything will be okay. At that same time, Perry White is telling the printer to run the headline “Luthor Shoots 61 Citizens in one day, Experts say This Could be Illegal”

I’ll show me!

THEY SAID “GO FULL SKIBIDI OHIO.”

Stephen Miller is gonna be really mad that you left him out

Considering Tesla’s habit of manufacturing vehicles that randomly combust… Are we sure all of these are acts of vandalism? You’re telling me that during record sales slumps and heightened apathy that the massive grifter definitely isn’t cutting corners on safety?

Nose doesn’t rhyme with walls!

I make some mean barbacoa and egg tacos. Save me their cheeks.