See, I’m easy. As long as it’s purely in a sexual context, I won’t be mad. I might say “No” or “Not right now,” but as long as my partner is saying it from a place of genuine horniness, they can go nuts.
My ex pestered me for a good while with a fantasy: she wanted me to force her to have sex any day she didn’t want to. I wasn’t exactly eager to try this, but it wasn’t a problem because we were having sex every day.
But the day came, and I said “well, she’s been asking for a while, let’s get this over with”. She didn’t need much convincing, I just grabbed her by the back of her neck and told her we were going to have sex no matter whether she wanted or not and that was it (she was quite submissive in bed).
After we were done I had a weird feeling because that’s not something I like to do, but I thought “at least I’ve fulfilled her fantasy and now she’s happy”, right?
Well, no. She was angry at me and when I told her “but you’ve been asking for this for months!” she answered “yeah, but I wasn’t in the mood for it today!”.
My high school girlfriend did a very light version of this. Very early on, we were in a convenience store parking lot getting gas or something, I climb into the car and she says, “Look, when I say ‘maybe,’ I mean ‘yes,’ okay?” It wasn’t a continuation of any conversation we were having, I guess she was doing that chick thing where she has most of the conversation in her head and only shares the end of it with you.
Dozens upon dozens of times, we’d have this conversation: “Wanna do it?” “Maybe.” “…and maybe means yes.” I never neglected to remind her she’d said that.
Later on, I had another girlfriend who liked to be chased. Literally. Tag was foreplay to her. We’d get through the front door of the house and she’d go tearing off into the bedroom and jump fully clothed under the covers, often giggling. This would often start with her pulling herself out of my arms. I talked to her that chasing her through the house to a hiding place, taking the blanket off of her, undressing her, and fucking her felt a little bit non-consentual. She just…liked to be chased. So she agreed to say something like “Come get me!” before taking off. Yes, Ma’am!"
Not that you asked for advice, but if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, I’d try role playing a scenario before ever actually doing it. Like she pretends she doesn’t want to, even though she does, and she gets to experience you saying bossy/dismissive things while she’s actively consenting. Consensual non-consent is a real thing, but people on both ends need to have a pretty good grasp of the situation. Plenty of people realize they’re not actually into a kink they thought they had once it becomes even just pretend real. The role playing phase (or ramp up phase depending on the kink) is sometimes helpful to people new to kink. Although it’s not the same as engaging in the kink, I’d recommend it as a first step almost universally.
The fact she was anti safe word is obviously a red flag, and I wouldn’t do anything with someone uninterested in safe words.
Yeah, I’ve always felt like forced sex sounds hotter than it actually is. It sounds so romantic, and everyone thinks they can get in the mood as soon as their partner wants them, but the reality doesn’t quite line-up the same. A pretty key part of any consensual non-consent is setting up a word to break the scene though, so I dunno if I’d beat yourself up too much about it. If she wasn’t in the mood, she should have let you know.
I did try to set a safe word prior to that incident but she laughed it off and said we didn’t need one. Fortunately things never got really ugly, even if this is not the only crazy fantasy she pestered me with.
Basically like she said, you both have to happen to be horny in the moment anyways or it’s just a shit time. Use a safeword to stop when not into it, instead of actually saying stop. It’s usually just a roleplay fetish anyways.
I distinctly remember learning this about myself after talking to someone on a dating app who used absolutely 0 punctuation. We’re talking like entire paragraphs-worth of text messages without a comma or period in sight.
Is this so much to ask for? Someone who will treat me with respect while also sexual degrading me when I want it?
The problem is it is very hard to tell when you want it.
…
…
…
Bitch?
See, I’m easy. As long as it’s purely in a sexual context, I won’t be mad. I might say “No” or “Not right now,” but as long as my partner is saying it from a place of genuine horniness, they can go nuts.
Nuts…
Please clean up the mess. You can’t just go nutting everywhere you please!
this is the politest “bitch” I’ve ever read.
My ex pestered me for a good while with a fantasy: she wanted me to force her to have sex any day she didn’t want to. I wasn’t exactly eager to try this, but it wasn’t a problem because we were having sex every day.
But the day came, and I said “well, she’s been asking for a while, let’s get this over with”. She didn’t need much convincing, I just grabbed her by the back of her neck and told her we were going to have sex no matter whether she wanted or not and that was it (she was quite submissive in bed). After we were done I had a weird feeling because that’s not something I like to do, but I thought “at least I’ve fulfilled her fantasy and now she’s happy”, right?
Well, no. She was angry at me and when I told her “but you’ve been asking for this for months!” she answered “yeah, but I wasn’t in the mood for it today!”.
That’s why you ALWAYS denny insane requests. Never put yourself at risk when you don’t have to, just because someone does not know what they want.
You injure or god forbbid, actually rape someone, you have done an awful thing…and for what?
This is why it’s important to always put emotion last to reason.
My high school girlfriend did a very light version of this. Very early on, we were in a convenience store parking lot getting gas or something, I climb into the car and she says, “Look, when I say ‘maybe,’ I mean ‘yes,’ okay?” It wasn’t a continuation of any conversation we were having, I guess she was doing that chick thing where she has most of the conversation in her head and only shares the end of it with you.
Dozens upon dozens of times, we’d have this conversation: “Wanna do it?” “Maybe.” “…and maybe means yes.” I never neglected to remind her she’d said that.
Later on, I had another girlfriend who liked to be chased. Literally. Tag was foreplay to her. We’d get through the front door of the house and she’d go tearing off into the bedroom and jump fully clothed under the covers, often giggling. This would often start with her pulling herself out of my arms. I talked to her that chasing her through the house to a hiding place, taking the blanket off of her, undressing her, and fucking her felt a little bit non-consentual. She just…liked to be chased. So she agreed to say something like “Come get me!” before taking off. Yes, Ma’am!"
Not that you asked for advice, but if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, I’d try role playing a scenario before ever actually doing it. Like she pretends she doesn’t want to, even though she does, and she gets to experience you saying bossy/dismissive things while she’s actively consenting. Consensual non-consent is a real thing, but people on both ends need to have a pretty good grasp of the situation. Plenty of people realize they’re not actually into a kink they thought they had once it becomes even just pretend real. The role playing phase (or ramp up phase depending on the kink) is sometimes helpful to people new to kink. Although it’s not the same as engaging in the kink, I’d recommend it as a first step almost universally.
The fact she was anti safe word is obviously a red flag, and I wouldn’t do anything with someone uninterested in safe words.
Yeah, I’ve always felt like forced sex sounds hotter than it actually is. It sounds so romantic, and everyone thinks they can get in the mood as soon as their partner wants them, but the reality doesn’t quite line-up the same. A pretty key part of any consensual non-consent is setting up a word to break the scene though, so I dunno if I’d beat yourself up too much about it. If she wasn’t in the mood, she should have let you know.
I did try to set a safe word prior to that incident but she laughed it off and said we didn’t need one. Fortunately things never got really ugly, even if this is not the only crazy fantasy she pestered me with.
Yikes, laughing at wanting a safe word is a huge red flag IMO. Sounds like you dodged a bullet in the end.
The best part is, she’s 15 years older than me, she should have been more experienced and level-headed about her kinks.
I’m a bit slow, it took me a decade to dodge it.
Basically like she said, you both have to happen to be horny in the moment anyways or it’s just a shit time. Use a safeword to stop when not into it, instead of actually saying stop. It’s usually just a roleplay fetish anyways.
Same reason people think horror games are “fun” for some reason. Until they are screaming in terror.
Safewords 😱
I tried ^_^
Dude you committed rape. Use a safeword.
No, he didn’t. Prior consent was established and there’s no indication she revoked it during the act.
She just didn’t realize some fantasies are more inconvenient than sexy.
Like car sex.
Understanding the rules of grammar feels so rare these days that it’s a turn on by itself.
I distinctly remember learning this about myself after talking to someone on a dating app who used absolutely 0 punctuation. We’re talking like entire paragraphs-worth of text messages without a comma or period in sight.
I want that too!