This may or may not be inspired by the nebula original abolish everything, a show I have not watched.
Dihydrogen monoxide.
Literally kills thousands of people a year.
Pineapple. Not just on pizza (although that is an abomination), but all pineapple in food or drinks. It’s weird and slimy and its taste taints everything it touches. Plus fresh pineapple is trying to digest you while you eat it. Just a horrible fruit all around.
I will not be swayed by counter arguments.
Okay, humorously…
Eating pizza with a fork. If you’re afraid of hot grease burning a trail down your arm, you don’t deserve to enjoy good pizza.
Reasonable exceptions for children and the disabled can be made.
But if you put ranch on it you should be thrown in Guantanamo Bay.
The colour red so that way whenever somebody goes to “Red Lobster” all they see is “Lobster” on the sign.
I would abolish banana peels. They cause far too many injuries and I think doing away entirely could calm everyone, especially those in banana-rich areas where peels are most common.
Just the peel? That is going to make every other part of acquiring and eating a banana really weird.
He ain’t got a peel on his ‘nanner!
First, I’ll abolish your milk
Then, I shall abolish your VIRGINITYI want to abolish door knobs. They account for a thousand injuries in the world every few months. They must go.
(For the sake of the question since the question is over everyone’s head in the section)
Everyone here being so serious.
Children in breweries. Fine, fine at least keeping the sanctity of 21 and over areas of breweries. When did breweries become a family affair? How come every place has to become a family friendly place, why can’t we have just a few adults only places?
No matter what I get some child screaming while I’m trying to enjoy a beer. And every parent will say “well where are they supposed to go” and my answer is always “literally anywhere else”. Everywhere is okay with kids. And then others will say “well mine are great” which I would say I don’t care, but other parents don’t care and ruin it for the rest. So if I got to abolish anything, it’s be kids in breweries.
No matter what I get some child screaming while I’m trying to enjoy a beer.
At a brewery? What? Why?
Billionaires.
Also, the propagation of the idea that you are poor because of the actions of even poorer people.
I would like to abolish subscription fees for most items that really shouldn’t have subscription fees. If you bought the item, it should be yours. That’s the point of buying the item.
News outlets taking quotes from company PR/employees and including them alongside facts about reality. “Company x does something horrible, here is the data. Meanwhile, the CEO says it’s inaccurate because bs reasonexcuse.”. So much of corporate media is this, we’ve nearly lost the expectation a news outlet have any sense of responsibility outside of an easy quote from the paid company representative. Every single employee quote should come with footer “but of course this person does pay their mortgage based on saying whatever the companies needs it to to continue doing what benefits it the most so this is idiotically biased”.
Money in politics.
The stock market.
corporate fucking personhood. not that it exists but the friggin false idea that it should and any belief system that lead or may ever lead to it.
