I’m about to start my 12 week paternity leave next week thanks to a state program and almost everyone that I’ve told has had their jaws on the floor that I would even want to do that.
Today I witnessed a group of coworkers almost bragging how little time they took after their kids were born. I’ve heard stuff like “Most men are hard working and want to support their families so they don’t take leave”.
To me it was a no brainer, I’m getting ~85% of my normal pay and I get to take care of my wife, our son and our newborn for 3 whole months. and for someone who hasn’t taken a day breathe in the past 3 years I think I deserve it.
I’m in the US so I know it’s a “strange” concept, but people have seemed genuinely upset, people it doesn’t affect at all. Again, it’s a state program available to almost anyone who’s worked in the past 2 years, I’ve talked to soon to be dads who scoffed at the idea and were happy to use a week of pto and that’s it.
I feel like I’m missing something.
Not sure what this post is about, OP… What are you actually asking?
Paternity leave is obviously vital if you’re a decent parent and partner. If you have it available you take it and you focus on your family. Your mentioned group of coworkers sound like fucking degenerate scumbags stuck on a pointless treadmill. I feel sorry for their partners and their children.
You should take some time to consider why you didn’t have a visceral reaction of outright disgust and had to come here and ask for others to chime in. Tune in, bud. It’s all about your kids now. Don’t look for worthless approval from worthless people.
That’s some assumption, I never said I agreed with them or was looking to take their advice or gain their approval. I said all of the things people are saying in here, I offended a few people who thought I was calling them bad dads which I never directly said, but that’s their short line to draw to their own conclusion.
I more so was looking for input on the concept of paternity leave from people outside my small work circle because I thought the overwhelming hate on it was wild and for a minute felt like I was some new age radical who had just discovered the concept of taking care of your family. I knew I wasn’t, but I don’t hear much about it where I’m at so I figured I’d ask the general community.
Not assuming. I just didn’t see you express that disgust, so even the omission says something.
IMO you need a lot more passion in your response, here and IRL to colleagues. These are obviously broken people around you. You smiling and nodding and coming here to quietly discuss away from them helps perpetuate their nonsense. Alternatively, if you had a gut reaction of “Dude, what the fuck are you talking about? How are you supporting your partner if you aren’t taking that full leave? A newborn is 24/7 physical/emotional/mental gauntlet. Are you just leaving them to deal with all that, that’s horrible, man… Do better.” might have knocked some sense into them.
We break these toxic cycles by speaking to our peers with confidence and putting idiots on the spot by holding a mirror up to their childish bullshit. Sounds like you have the right position generally, I’m encouraging you to express it openly and forcefully to be a part of the change you seem to be in support of.