My wife said something like “the patriarchy hurts everyone, men included” and everything made a lot more sense.

I did call them out a bit. The thing that broke me was when I said something like “I provide a lot more than financial support. I cook, clean, change diapers etc…” And I saw the group split between the guys who do that stuff and those who don’t.

It made me sad, a lot of these guys are only a few years older than me and can’t really blame it on “how things used to be”. I felt like I was in the 50s or something and I needed to check if the bathrooms were segregated. I’ve never seen such ignorant toxic masculinity in real life, and I used to work in construction 10 years ago.

Someone else pointed out that they wouldn’t be able to survive off of 85% pay without finding gig/temp work. And I’ll admit, I’m in a fortunate enough position now that I didn’t put much thought into that 15% being detrimental. We’ll surely blow through most of our savings and that’ll hurt, but we’ll be alright.

With my first son I was working 2 jobs when he was born and we were already well behind on a lot of bills so the thought of leave didn’t ever begin to cross my mind. It does make me even more appreciative of the position we’re in now.

We are in a very fortunate situation. We’re not well off by any means but have saved pretty well. We paid off the car last year and started putting that extra money we were paying into a seperate account which turned into our backup account to bridge that 15% gap.

I’m also pretty close with the guy who owns the corner store around the block and can usually pickup a few night shifts a week there when I need to since it’s in a rough neighborhood and they haven’t been able to find a steady nightshift clerk for 5 years.

We’re very lucky that aspect.

That’s some assumption, I never said I agreed with them or was looking to take their advice or gain their approval. I said all of the things people are saying in here, I offended a few people who thought I was calling them bad dads which I never directly said, but that’s their short line to draw to their own conclusion.

I more so was looking for input on the concept of paternity leave from people outside my small work circle because I thought the overwhelming hate on it was wild and for a minute felt like I was some new age radical who had just discovered the concept of taking care of your family. I knew I wasn’t, but I don’t hear much about it where I’m at so I figured I’d ask the general community.

My wife’s a gig worker and does mostly weekends in summer so I usually get all of that time to be a parent on my own, and while I miss my wife a lot, I love being the sole parent. My son and I have such a different flow than him and my wife and it’s so interesting to see.

That first summer with our oldest was rough, he was only a few months old, I was working 2 jobs just so we could scrape by so he didn’t really know me yet, he screamed and screamed but eventually we got in a good groove and I found a spot on his back that if I rubbed put him right to sleep. That spot still works 3 years later

That’s what I thought. It really felt like I was in the twilight zone going through those conversations.

Oh I had never thought to not take my leave (or care for my teeth) because of what the people around me were saying. The only person whose opinion matters about this is my wife.

I’m just absolutely dumbfounded why people would be so against something that is just plain good for them and their family? I know that’s naive, I just can’t comprehend it.