Blaster M

I remember when Roku was the big cost saving alternative to TV. I remember when it was the all in one streaming aggregator.

Meh, I don’t even watch TV anyway

You know, I’d be alright as a pegasus

Though living in the utopian society that is the United Federation of Planets would be nice too

Waydroid on a linux laptop with the wifi adapter removed is option 2

Nope

Closest thing is the Librem5, which had addon modems, so you could dismantle it and remove the bt/wifi/modem