To be honest, it wasn’t until my late thirties that I finally mastered the crucial skill of identifying my own needs and transforming them into clear, appropriate communication. Before that breakthrough, I constantly defaulted to avoiding conflict—thinking “I shouldn’t bother anyone,” “I’m not entitled to make requests,” or “my primary role is ensuring everyone else’s happiness.” This self-effacing approach actually made me difficult to be around, as the unresolved internal conflict was painfully obvious to anyone with even minimal emotional intelligence. The irony is that in trying so hard not to inconvenience others, I created a more uncomfortable situation for everyone.
Nothing: Translation: In my mind, I’ve made it abundantly clear what I want. You’re either not paying attention, or not focused on me enough to hear what I’m saying, now I’m mad enough that I fear I will start an argument if I need to spell it out again.
Guy during that entire conversation: ADHD: where the hell did that other headphone go? I was wearing it yesterday when I was driving to work but I brought it home and I’m sure that I put it on the table there but, God I hope the dog didn’t eat it.
In my mind, I’ve made it abundantly clear what I want.
Every sentence that starts with “in my mind” is not objective, therefore there is no fault in a faulty translation by the interpreter. If you want to be understood, you can either try to be clearer or give up on the responsibility of being understood. And if you give up on that responsibility, you cannot complain about the outcome of said communication.
You’re either not paying attention, or not focused on me enough to hear what I’m saying
This is an extremely narcissistic way to view relationships: if I’m not focused on you it means that I
A) have something more important to think about
B) I have not understood the gravity of the situation and that can be corrected
Of course if I think something trivial is more important than you it might be a problem, but this is hardly ever the case
now I’m mad enough that I fear I will start an argument if I need to spell it out again
Not talking about it is a wonderful way to start a bigger, heavier argument later
Me: “Ok I’m listening, what do you want to say?”
Every woman I met in my life: “Nothing…”
To be honest, it wasn’t until my late thirties that I finally mastered the crucial skill of identifying my own needs and transforming them into clear, appropriate communication. Before that breakthrough, I constantly defaulted to avoiding conflict—thinking “I shouldn’t bother anyone,” “I’m not entitled to make requests,” or “my primary role is ensuring everyone else’s happiness.” This self-effacing approach actually made me difficult to be around, as the unresolved internal conflict was painfully obvious to anyone with even minimal emotional intelligence. The irony is that in trying so hard not to inconvenience others, I created a more uncomfortable situation for everyone.
Nothing: Translation: In my mind, I’ve made it abundantly clear what I want. You’re either not paying attention, or not focused on me enough to hear what I’m saying, now I’m mad enough that I fear I will start an argument if I need to spell it out again.
Guy during that entire conversation: ADHD: where the hell did that other headphone go? I was wearing it yesterday when I was driving to work but I brought it home and I’m sure that I put it on the table there but, God I hope the dog didn’t eat it.
Every sentence that starts with “in my mind” is not objective, therefore there is no fault in a faulty translation by the interpreter. If you want to be understood, you can either try to be clearer or give up on the responsibility of being understood. And if you give up on that responsibility, you cannot complain about the outcome of said communication.
This is an extremely narcissistic way to view relationships: if I’m not focused on you it means that I
A) have something more important to think about
B) I have not understood the gravity of the situation and that can be corrected
Of course if I think something trivial is more important than you it might be a problem, but this is hardly ever the case
Not talking about it is a wonderful way to start a bigger, heavier argument later
Calm down, killer
I’m not assigning fault, just saying I think that’s how it generally plays out