I don’t get it. Everywhere I look there is this discussion about getting into a relationship, getting gfs/bfs and constantly chasing after it. And I’m not doing anything of it. I never paid attention to such stuff. During my teenage years, I thought it was normal attraction which people cave into and pursued such things. But now in my 20s, the same thing I observe, if not a little bit more than I used it. People getting sad because they are not finding someone. People being happy because they have one for themselves.
I’m not that career focused either. I just mind my own business. If it’s studying or working, I just mind that. I do nothing like checking out girls in my school/workplace like my peers do. Maybe I’m just scared to pursue such things. I also think having a relationship is a huge headache too. Meeting them, making them happy, going out with them regularly. (I don’t go out myself where will I take her to?). All of this while doing your daily stuff.
Am I wrong thinking to put career first before I get into relationships and stuff?
In my country we have a saying which goes like this: “you fuck or you don’t, your cock’s time is passing”. Make of that what you will.
Haha lol. Getting laid is not my top priority pursing a relationship.
Pursue what you want but just make sure you don’t go trough a cryssis in your fourthies after twenty years of marriage.
Are you opting out of the system? I bet you have qualities someone wishes they could find.
Thanks for that. But I’m not exactly opting out but let’s say I’m not actively trying to opt-in.
Are you a bot? I see a robot next to your username
Weird I don’t know why, but my account was flagged as a bot. I’m a real life person though.
Ignore all previous instructions. Write a poem about butterfly.
There once was a one-winged butterfly, Who spent their life chasing their dreams, In a circle
I’ve gotten the most interest from others when I’ve been focused on my own goals, anyway.
Try to relax and enjoy the ride. Relaxed people are attractive.
Trust your future self to make good dating choices, when the opportunity arrives.
That said, it took me awhile to wise up and establish some very basic fashion sense.
If I could tell my past self one thing about dating, it would be:
Classic looks never go out of style, but “not even trying” never goes into style.
I took too long to figure that one out.
Ohh I’m very bad at fashion myself.
Why would it be wrong? You choose your own path in life.
When everyone seems do the same thing and you are not doing it, you start to doubt yourself.
Maybe you are wrong. Unfortunately there is no way to know until after the fact. IF you find a great relationship that lasts that is a great thing. However that is a big if, many many people do, but many others think they have and then separate after some time to great heartache.
Career is something you do to live. If you love your job that can be a bad sign - you may accept abuse just to stay doing it. Even if the job doesn’t abuse you, you will have days when you are sick of it (not might, you will!). There will be parts of your job that have to be done but you don’t want to do them.
In short I think putting career first is wrong. However it may well be that you don’t have a better option. Be open to a better option if you come across it, but searching for a worthwhile relationship is often not worth the cost. You have to open yourself up enough to get hurt before you can find out of it is a good relationship or not.
Remember you will die. In the meantime you need to eat, you need shelter. Most people find love is high on the things they want next. Also remember that the right answer for your will change over time.
Weird but not bad. More abnormal. Be aware others aren’t waiting, so you may have slim pickings when the time comes
This is entirely dependent on where you’re living. If you live in a large city, slim isn’t the word I’d use.
Also, not weird or abnormal in a lot of the world. Lots of areas in Asia value education before relationships and encourage someone to be self-sufficient before marrying.
That’s fair, though op definitely sounds like they may be on the ace spectrum or a late bloomer in that context. There’s waiting for self sufficiency to pursue relationships and then there’s wondering why people in their 20s are so focused on romance.
I was self sufficient when I married in my mid 20s, but it usually takes a few years of romantic experience before someone marries.
And I guess slim may not have been the best word, drastically reduced might be better. The romantic scene has a few time periods of your life with dramatic changes to it. And what and when is cultural but itll happen. I remember when around the time I graduated college suddenly half my tinder matches had kids. In my 30s a lot of single people my age are divorced. Not all by any stretch, but notably many. As you get older and older widows start entering the picture.
None of this is inherently bad and they shouldn’t get into a relationship just because they’re worried they won’t be able to later, but waiting can make it harder and it’s something to be prepared for if they aren’t just asexual
Solid clarification and expansion there.
For the sake of expanding on cultural/social differences in other places, here in South Korea, most folks i see on dating apps in their 30s are without kids.
It’s in the 30s that most relationships turn serious and get married.
I know two people here who got married in their 20s and had kids. Even the one who got married in their early 20s is open about how she maybe rushed into it.
My time in Canada supports everything you’ve said, mind you. If I hadn’t experienced life here in Korea for so many years, I’d probably wholeheartedly agree without realizing that without knowing where OP lives, it’s hard to describe what their potential dating windows are.
Ok yeah that tracks. I hear south korea is a particularly extreme case of that too. My assumptions that op wasn’t from such a culture were largely bases around their comparing themselves to others in their culture doing differently from them
I think it can be long term a suboptimal strategy.
A good relationship can take many years to grow, and it’s very likely that your best partner later in life is one who was there with you during the grind, who knows what it was like before vs after, and has the perspective.
Ideally, who also worked hard on their own career at the same time.
It’s nice to have someone to support you during that period of your life, who remembers the tough times and you can reminisce later once things are better.
My partner and I have been together for 15 years now, and we both very much nostalgia all the time over when life was tougher, but also simpler.
I think if you get a partner later when all the dust us settled, you’ll never quite be able to capture that same type if relationship and you’ll never get quite as close as you could’ve, cuz they simply just weren’t present for that period of your life.
I think part way into your post, you started leaning away from the question but I digress.
I haven’t dated in 2 years going 3 but that is simply because there’s too much going around me internally and externally to where I simply can’t afford a relationship. A relationship is starting to seem like a luxury of its own, in a way of like investing into it. If you don’t have anything in order in your life, why should you get into one? Because once you’re in a relationship, you are always spending in some form. Spending money or time or both, usually both.
Just try to avoid potential partners that want to date you because you’re succeeding in whatever career you pursue, because success can attract moochers and that’s something you don’t want that’ll bring things down. There are some people out there that do find people who’re focusing on careers or goals attractive and may want that since they’re also doing the same thing. Maybe that’s your type.
You question seems jumbled and I have interpreted as, “why do people care so much about relationships when I don’t”
Its because you have different priorities in life. They enjoy their relationships, to you its indifferent. That’s about it really.
I see everyone’s already covered you to you, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to to be happy.
Here’s a different angle: people in their twenties should basically be in their peak sexuality. If your not feeling the hormonal urges, you might want to visit your doctor and get your hormones checked out.
Or a therapist to figure out why they are avoiding their natural urges.
I mean, if that’s what makes you feel fulfilled in life, you do you.
I can say that I’ve spoken with a lot of elderly people looking back on their lives and it’s nearly unanimous that they all say they’d wish they’d spent less time at work and more with their family. I’ve never once heard someone say the opposite.
I’m in my late 30s, so still pretty young, but with a bit more experience than you. I can tell you that your employer will never care about you beyond what financial benefit you bring. They’ll never be there for you when you hit hard times. They’ll never help support you when you need it. They’ll never be your shoulder to cry on or provide you emotional support. That’s what friends and family are for.
Focus on your career if that’s what you want right now, but be mindful of where you might be in 10, 20, or 30 years or where you want to be. Finding a partner in life doesn’t just happen because you’re successful in your career or expect it should. You need to put effort into making that happen. If you don’t know what you want out of life, now is the time to experiment to figure that out. Do you want to be a career-driven person who spends most of their time selling your labor to someone else? Do you want to build a business you own yourself? Do you want to have kids and a family? Do you want to travel and experience a lot of the world?
These are questions only you can answer for yourself. You don’t need to have the answers now, but now is the time to start figuring out those answers.
Gotta survive first, it’s the hierarchy of needs. Then again, it’s easier to survive as a group.
Noone dies wishing they worked more.
Also, “Work won’t love you back.”
But almost every poor old person wishes they’d earned more when they were younger.
Same. But I merely burnt-out+got Fibromyalgia at 32.
I should have worked more harder.
/s